Hope you are having a good week. Part 5 in the series will be dealing with how people deal with their own ‘Lifequake’. In last week’s post, I introduced the term Lifequakes. A lifequake is a significant and unexpected shift in our life’s trajectory that initially feels devastating, but hopefully, it has a beneficial outcome, catalyzing personal growth, transformation, and rebirth. Lifequakes can hit us personally or affect those we care about, such as our family and friends. If you’re experiencing your lifequake, take a moment to recognize it, address the issue, and stay calm. We can get through these times, although it is difficult to see how at times.
This rang true to me, as over the past few weeks, I have had several friends who have been diagnosed with cancer or who have had bad news concerning conditions that have upended their lives. As I learned the news from each of them, I thought about how each was dealing with the news. It made me realize how resilient each person is and how, when we have to, we step up and focus on the essential things. In this post, I’d like to share a few stories and my thoughts on each, as well as how I am handling them.
It is my instinct to reach out and offer help. In each situation, I learned that each had a sound support system and was handling the situation as best they could. Yes, they had challenges and were frustrated with the system at times, but overall, they did not need me at this time. Each knows I am there for them, and if they need help, I am just a phone call/text away.
Here is a brief overview of each situation, along with some information I shared with them or their family members.
- One friend had a bad accident almost one year ago today, when she was run over by a car. She had a complex fracture of her ankle, a fractured clavicle, and other injuries that upended her life. Today, she is improving and working hard to get back to her new normal. She is at the point of starting to drive again and getting back to some of the things that are important to her. She is frustrated that she is not 100% but she is improving each day. I try to reassure her each time we talk that she is making progress. I know it is slow, but she has overcome so much. She is tired of going to doctor appointments and dealing with the frustrations of the healthcare system, but she has a lot of questions that only her doctors can answer, so she needs to stay engaged. On a recent visit, she had some pressing questions for her neurologist. Unfortunately, she became so engrossed in the visit that she left the office without asking her doctors the questions she had. She was mad at herself for not being prepared. As I have shared in the past posts in this series, being prepared for your doctor’s appointment and other visits you might have is critical. A lot of things happen at an appointment, and if you don’t have your questions written down, you will forget them.
- Another story comes from a colleague whom I have known for over 30 years. We’ve been friends on Facebook and have kept in touch over the years. Recently, I was shocked to read a post where he shared on Facebook that he was diagnosed with cancer. After various tests, he learned that the cancer had spread to vital organs, which has made his prognosis unclear. He is moving forward with aggressive treatment, and we are hoping for a miracle. It appears to me he is handling the situation well and has a sound support system. He is a very thoughtful person and writes very moving posts about his life, his lifelong work, and what he has learned through friends and encounters throughout his career. I love to read his posts and try to add something to each one to show my support. I let him know I’m there for him and his family, and I hope he’ll reach out if there’s anything I can do to help him move forward. Keeping in touch with people in my life was very important to me when I was sick. Social media allowed me to do this when I was going through chemo for Brain Cancer. I didn’t feel like talking to anyone, but when I felt up to it, I loved reading people’s posts on Facebook and LinkedIn. Keeping connected helped me get through a terrifying time. I am glad my friend uses social media to keep all his friends, especially those out of town, updated. By doing this, we can share our thoughts and keep him and his family in our prayers.
- I recently learned that another friend who has been battling ovarian cancer for several years had to have a colostomy due to bowel blockage from the spread of the cancer. She is handling her cancer in a way that is good for her. She does not want to talk about her cancer or her prognosis. Her husband and family share news and discuss her condition with the doctors, as she has told them her wishes. This thinking might be hard for people to understand, but we are all respecting her wishes. She welcomes cards, letters, and text messages, but she wants them to be uplifting and funny. I send her text messages from time to time to let her know that I am thinking of her. In it, I try to find a funny image or a positive message I knew she would like. At this time, we are praying and hoping she accepts the challenge of caring for the colostomy, as this is not something she wanted. I pray she has a caring team who will teach her how to take care of the colostomy and help her accept that the procedure will give her time with her family and friends. For now, we are all praying for her and her family.
- I have another friend who was recently diagnosed with a blood cancer that came out of the blue. She is wondering how this happened to her. She takes care of herself, eats well, and exercises – all the things that you are told to do to stay healthy. Yet, she got cancer. She is in the process of getting various tests so the doctors can identify the exact cancer type and devise a treatment plan. She is learning how complex and fragmented the system is, which is frustrating for her and her husband. Interestingly, people don’t know how complex healthcare is. It is a slow process, which adds to the challenge people who use it have to deal with. I let her know I could help with calls, appointments, or talking to her insurance company to address the ongoing issues they’re throwing at her and try to ease her burden. However, at this point, she feels she and her husband are okay. She knows I am there for her.
- My last story is of a good friend and case management colleague who passed away while waiting for a liver and lung transplant. She has been sick for months with multisystem organ failure. I have been keeping in touch with her also on social media. She has a strong support system – but hearing the news of her passing was sad for all who knew her. I am glad she is at peace and I pray for her and her family as they process this experience.
I am sure you have your stories. Feel free to share them in the comment section or email me at allewellyn48@gmail.com
Have a good week and stay strong!
