Over the past few weeks, I have been working with a client who is in a skilled care facility/nursing home for rehab. I have gone to the facility at various times to see my patient and talk to the staff. It is clean and the staff is friendly. The rehab team works with the patients in their room. Some go to a gym, but most get PT at their beside and take walks a in the halls. The rest of the day many residents are put in a room with a large TV playing music. They all stare at the screen. The music is not even from their era, but music from the 60-70’s. Meals are served, and the aides help those who need assistance.
I look around and see so many sad faces and think Is this where we are all headed? Is this the best we can do as people live out the last days of their lives? I wonder who all these people are, what did they do in their lives? Where they happy? Did they make the most of their lives? Why are they here and not with their families? Is this all there is?
As I leave after each visit, I see people sitting in the hallway sleeping, I ask myself – is this all there is? Is this where I will all end up as I live out my last days? It makes me sad and more determined then ever to do things that I want to do – travel, visit friends, read, and other things that bring joy to my life before I can’t do them anymore.
I remember an old Peggy Lee song that was titled: Is That All There Is? Here are the lyrics and a link to listen to it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCRZZC-DH7M I remember hearing this song playing on our stereo when I was a little girl. Being in the nursing home made me think of this song and say – is that all there is?
I remember when I was a little girl, our house caught on fire
I’ll never forget the look on my father’s face as he gathered me up
In his arms and raced through the
Burning building out on the pavement
And I stood there shivering in my pajamas
And watched the whole world go up in flames
And when it was all over I said to myself
Is that all there is to a fire?
Is that all there is, is that all there is?
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball
If that’s all there is
And when I was twelve years old
My daddy took me to the circus, the greatest show on Earth
There were clowns and elephants and dancing bears
And a beautiful lady in pink tights flew high above our heads
And as I sat there watching
I had the feeling that something was missing
I don’t know what, but when it was over I said to myself
Is that all there is to the circus?
Is that all there is, is that all there is?
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball
If that’s all there is
And then I fell in love
With the most wonderful boy in the world
We’d take long walks by the river or
Just sit for hours gazing into each other’s eyes
We were so very much in love
Then one day he went away and I thought I’d die, but I didn’t
And when I didn’t I said to myself
Is that all there is to love?
Is that all there is, is that all there is?
If that’s all there is, my friends, then let’s keep
I know what you must be saying to yourselves
If that’s the way she feels about it why doesn’t she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me, I’m not ready for that final disappointment
Because I know just as well as I’m standing here talking to you
That when that final moment comes and I’m
Breathing my last breath, I’ll be saying to myself
Is that all there is, is that all there is?
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball
If that’s all there is
Make it count – because this is all there is!
I loved this blog! I reminded me why I worked in the LTC industry – to change that very experience! But my theme song was Bette Midler’s “Hello In There” written by singer-songwriter extraordinaire, John Prine. Despite it’s cleanliness and warmth of the staff, that nursing home is missing the mark on what matters most – engagement! Where is recreation? A TV or movie is passive entertainment, not engagement. Perhaps they should look into The Eden Alternative for more ideas and a model to engage their residents and address the 3 plagues of aging: Loneliness, helplessness & boredom. That would be a good start – focusing on each individual’s personhood and not just their physical needs!
Thanks David for your insights. I am going to talk to administration.
Anne
For a long time and especially since COVID, I have been thinking about our aged and infirmed, how for many who have no one having outlived friends and family –long term care is the last stop on the care continuum. We depend so much on the loving care of others and sadly long term care often does not have the staffing or resources to provide the bit of extra everyone needs.
I remember as administrator on call at a small facility in the Bronx, On the weekends I would make rounds and see all of our 480 patients. Yes, it was time consuming but seeing how many of the elderly’s eyes would light up at the attention was heart warming.
So much as changed in healthcare. Our systems are driven by revenue streams and profits. I
We need to put the caring back on healthcare. David’s suggestion is a good place to start.
Wow … I couldn’t agree with you more, Anne!! And that’s exactly what drives me to do what I do and to continue to learn all I can about detoxifying my body. My driving goal is to age in place until the very end and go peacefully into the night. I’ll take quality over quantity any day. I think the more we keep this in mind, the better off we all will be.
Thanks for sharing.
I unfortunately found myself needing some rehab following a spinal surgery a few months back. I decided I would go for a sort time to get some strength back. It turned out to be the worst experience if my life.
I’m not going to talk about my experience but what I observed around me.
As I have been a nurse and casemanager for 40 years. Yes I am a senior.
I had two different roommates both much older than me with serious care. They had no visitors to speak of and were fairly bed bound. My heart was heavy as I saw the staff rushing in and out changing dressings and Never saying a kind word to them. Never asking if they needed anything, asking how are you doing today , or would you like anything.
They never offered them water, or to freshen or to brush thier teeth!.
I was weak but made it a point to talk to them and both had interesting stories of thier lives, families careers. Once a day they would put them in a chair and put them in the hall. Never giving them water, anything. After hours I would get on my walker and there they sat staring at the wall.
My daughter visited me ever day and was literally sick about what she witnessed. One day she brought a bunch of old magazines and handed them out , the people were so appreciative . One of the roommates I believe had sundowners and was restless at night. I used to talk with her to help her relax, the Caregiver told me to stop that I was making things worse.
My daughter and I saw many things the few days I was there and I was sickened by healthcare has deteriorated. Where is the compassion?
Will it ever come back?
I’ll never set foot in another place for after care.
.
I wrote about this in my book. If my mother-in-law who did not play bingo sat in the hall usually fell asleep from boredom! There was no patient-centered care there or in most facilities
Anne,
As an independent resident in a CCRC for 1 1/2 years with many residents 20 years older than I @ 80+, Independent living is a great place, with the right environment, if one has the funds.
The population is living longer today due to better health care than in years gone by and people themselves taking better care of themselves.
Before becoming a resident, I visited residents in assisted and skilled nursing and in the right environment, they still were stimulated by staff to not sit and “mope”. STAFF TRAINING WITH APPROPRIATE ACTIVITIES PROVIDED IS KEY!!