A patient I have been working with passed away recently. She was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and could not tolerate the treatment, so she was put on hospice and passed away four months after her diagnosis. She died on September 20th. Reflecting on how things went, I thought I would use this post to express some thoughts, as losing a patient is hard.
Over the months I worked with my patient and her family, I got to know them well. I gained their trust, and they knew they could call me about anything. They all knew I was in place for them. My patient was an interesting woman. She fought till the end. We had several conversations about death. She knew she was dying and was prepared, but she did not want to let go. Those talks were hard, but I am glad I had the opportunity to have them with her as they made me realize how complicated cancer and end-of-life issues are. Our work is not easy – but it is rewarding, and we do make a difference in the lives of those we have the honor to care for.
Her family was very supportive and helped her in so many ways. I also talked with her sister and aunt, the primary caretakers often. We talked about what they were going through and how hard it was to be a caregiver, and I tried to help them understand the complex healthcare system and why it worked the way it did. In many ways, we are sounding boards. Those conversations help us realize what we must do and provide us with the tools to improve our little part of the healthcare system.
The Hospice Team involved was supportive and tried their best to meet the patient’s and the family’s needs. I called many members of the team often. At first, they did not know who I was or why I was involved, but over time, they understood as they saw I was trying to help them do their work and set realistic expectations.
I was honored to be part of my patient and her family’s journey.
Thanks for reading and allowing me to share this story. It helps to put my thoughts down on paper.
Have a good week!
When you’ve spent time getting to know someone so thoroughly, it’s difficult to lose them no matter what the relationship. The advocate-patient bond is sometimes incredibly strong. It sounds like that was true in this case.
She was so very lucky to have you by her side!
Please accept my condolences, Anne.
Dear Anne, sorry to hear of your loss.Im sure you were a blessing to this person and her loved ones. thanks for sharing. being a nurse and advocate are definitely your calling. Keep it going and take care of you too
Thank you for sharing, Anne. Your support for this patient helped her “pass” with dignity. Because of circumstances beyond their control so many patients do not die with dignity.; so glad you were there for her.
I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry for your loss. I experienced a dear client passing unexpectedly this year. I was with her and her family at the hospital when she passed away. After being her advocate for two years, we were very close. Because it was unexpected, I kept questioning if there was more I could have done as her advocate. The “what-ifs” were difficult to overcome. I did eventually find peace and I believe the experience has made me a better patient advocate.
It certainly has Julie..we get better as we reflect back on events. Thanks for commenting
Thank you Anne for sharing this experience. I feel your loss. Recently, I was on both sides of the bed- so to speak. I was a daughter , primary caregiver to my step mother and the main support for the rest of my family. The hospice team was outstanding. Being there with my dad and helping him through this transition was priceless. The end of life is hard even when you know it coming. As I look back to this time over summer, I would do it again.
Thanks for sharing Betty. Death is part of life and we need to celebrate it..but it not easy. Take care of yourself and your dad!