How do you find something when you don’t know what you are looking for? How do you search for the unknown?
So many times, I have sorted out issues by talking to friends and colleagues. Just talking to them about the issue and laying out questions helps to focus my thoughts on strategies that I can look at.
I have a friend who is having some mental health issues and has withdrawn from family and friends. I want to help, but not sure what I can do as the person lives in another part of the country, and I don’t know the resources.
I know a few colleagues who work as counselors in the same area of the country where my friend lives. I wrote to them, and we are going to meet to discuss the situation. I hope they can point me in the right direction to help her. Here are some questions I want to get answers to:
- Should I get involved? The person is an adult. Do I need wait for her to ask for my help?
- How do you help someone who has withdrawn into themselves and is not letting others in?
- What is the first step to help someone who is depressed? How do you find help?
- The person is an adult- do I even have the right to get involved?
- At one point, the person was in touch and shared what she was doing and how her therapy was going.. For some reason she stopped all communication with her family and friends. She mostly stays in her room. I have reached out to her, but she is not responding.
- Her support system is fragile, as other family members are also hurting.
Keep a positive thought for my friend and that I can put together a plan to help her.
Have a good week!
So sorry for this distress. It is difficult to know how much one can do in intervening in this matter especially in that it is long distance.
I wonder if wellness calls are an option for your friend.
Also it would be helpful if the family had local support/counseling in dealing with this ongoing matter.
I think you should remain available for your friend just in case she reaches out. If you cant speak with her personally perhaps the occasional note card would let her know you continue to care.
Good luck!
Anne,
With your professional expertise, if it were me, I’d call and speak with the friend directly, confronting her/him with what you know, extending your help through contacts in the area.
– If she does not answer your telephonic contact, I’d personally write a letter, or send a Thinking of You card with a personal letter on or in it.
I do believe a Wellness Visit from an appropriate party, personal or professional, might be in order to be certain she might be persuaded to seek professional help and is not harming self.
Keep us informed, if not violating HIPPA.
Anne, you have the expertise to recognize your friend is in trouble. I suspect you have already made a call or sent an e-card. Perhaps another card ( personally I love this link
http://www.jacquielawson.com) with your concern and availability to connect by phone or email.
Thanks for raising this issue, we’ve all confronted this situation and there is no one answer. As a nation we’ve a big problem with confronting mental health as important as heart disease etc.
Hi Anne,
In a situation like this, besides being a friend and reaching out/keeping in touch, I would not advise making too many commends about her behavior or provide recommendations, if the conversation does not easily go in that direction.
Would you ever consider flying out and knocking at your friend’s door? Not convenient but if no one else local to her as that ability, you may feel that you are the only one who could do that. (Bring groceries etc. so that your friend does not feel inconvenienced or shameful that she may not even have food in the house and will prevent having to leave to go and get some). If you have any reason to think, even a gut feeling, that she may hurt herself then I would anonymously call the police to do a safety check.
Any action that may cause her to lose trust in you may cut off communication to you too.
Ann I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are a qualified professional and a good friend. As one who has suffered from depression in the past with my own experience and specialization training in mental health, keep reaching out just to let her know you are there if she ever wants to talk. Although she is an adult, as a friend you have every right to try to connect with her because you care. Praying she lets you in ❤️
Agree.
Hi Anne.
What concerns me when this happens to someone is too frequently we hear of a suicide.
I always wonder, whether I knew the person or not:
*Was there a life event or series of events that led to this?
*Were there simultaneous changes in mood, patterns, weight gain/loss?
*Was there one person close enough, or aware enough, to help, to reach out to offer an ear, a shoulder to cry on, just be a sounding board?
*Was the person “faking” being happy, okay, functioning as usual?
*Was there a family member or friend close enough who can offer going to the doctor with the person?
*What would have happened if someone intervened “strongly.”
I believe the relationship you currently have can help with those questions I’ve asked myself. If the person sees you as a confidante and in a role of “helping people,” it may be easier to approach her as it would be your normal “friendship thing” to do for her, to help her talk about her feelings.
Prayers for your friend and for you, Anne.
Hi Anne,
Thanks for sharing. I too, will take a few minutes to reach out to a colleague to let them know I am thinking of them. I hope this will provide my colleague the permission to reciprocate in the reaching out.